Fair warning….blogging is my therapy and I’m trying to figure something out. So this may make no sense at all or it may make perfect sense. Just trying to sort through something in my mind. Have you ever felt restless and on edge – for no apparent reason? I’ve been that way for several days and no easy answers are revealing themselves.
One theory is I’ve gone so hard at work with the changes there that now that I’m starting to settle into the new norm I can’t process the slightly reduced pressure. Another theory is that I still hate change and I’m going through so much of it in so many areas of my life that my mind can’t settle. Yet another is I’m on the precipice of another run in with my old friend depression and it’s got me on edge. Internet says it could be garden variety anxiety. My doctor would probably tell me it’s from saying “see ya” to the hormone cocktail they’ve had me on as I stroll into the menopause phase of my life. My counselor would tell me to take a breath and focus on the good.
Whatever it is I’m finding it difficult to settle my thoughts and put my finger on what’s what. I have this long list in my head of things that I feel like I need to do – but I have no energy to do them. I’m not finding my usual joy out of my “green stuff” as Tim calls it – when I should be up to my elbows in it because spring is just about here. I’m irritable but not angry. Quick to snap about stuff and just as quick to go “where did that come from” in my head. We’ve got our 2024 travel just about lined out but there isn’t one trip that I’m in my usual state of OMG I wish it would hurry up and get here.
Maybe it’s my brain finding it difficult to settle in to my new life? I have a man at home that adores me (he’s cleaning house as we speak). We’re married, life is settled, all the kids are doing well….have I become so accustomed to the crap life has thrown at me the last decade that I can’t even recognize what normal and happy feels like? Is that it?
I’m not really in the mood to do anything and every new addition on my calendar just feels like one more thing to do.Whatever is going on my brain just sits and spins like a merry go round. I find solace in my husband’s arms or with my dog in my lap…but that’s about it. I really hope I can figure it out before much longer. The emotional eating diet of Coke Zero and GF Oreos is kicking my waistline’s butt. Grrrr.
If you’ve got any thoughts – I’ll take them. If you feel like lifting it up in prayer – I’m grateful. If you’ve been there and want to share what worked for you – let me have it.
Blessings y’all – Amy
