Look, I know it’s 112 degrees outside. I know my car seat belt buckle is hot enough to brand cattle. I know I shouldn’t even be thinking about fall flavored drinks right now unless they come with a hydration IV and a personal misting fan.
But friends, I am deep in a pumpkin spice spiral.
It happens every year—like clockwork, right around August 1st. I’ll be standing in Target, drenched in sweat, buying something completely unrelated like a garden hose or ant killer when my eyes land on an orange velvet pumpkin in the seasonal aisle. The next thing I know, I’m sniffing cinnamon-scented candles like a lunatic and trying to justify why I absolutely need a 5-foot inflatable pumpkin holding a PSL.
Pumpkin Premonition Syndrome.
Symptoms include:
- Sudden urge to buy decorative gourds
- Irrational anger when you remember Starbucks hasn’t released their fall menu yet
- Googling “when do leaves start changing in Texas” (the answer is: never, and you know this)
- Endlessly scrolling fall craft ideas on TikTok
The worst part is the cruel taunting from stores. Target has started putting Halloween décor on the shelves, but the only beverage option within 10 miles is a coconut cold brew with almond milk. Ma’am, I don’t want my coffee to taste like a tropical vacation. I want it to taste like a haunted bakery.
But I am manifesting fall, y’all. I am changing all my household scents to “Crisp Autumn Leaves” like it’s a sacrifice to the weather gods. I am scrolling past swimsuit sales with the smugness of someone already mentally in a corn maze. I am fantasizing about cardigans, crunchy leaves, and not sweating through my socks.
So while the rest of the world is still living their best summer lives—grilling, swimming, and trying not to melt—I’ll be over here, dreaming in shades of orange, sipping my lukewarm, semi-homemade spice sludge, and whispering sweet nothings to my fall decorations in storage.
Because fall isn’t a season. It’s a state of mind. And I live there #PumpkinSpiceForever #TooSoonButIDoNotCare
Blessings y’all! – Amy
