Wikipedia says, “Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.”
Y’all…legit it’s taken me 42 years to realize this. I have had moments, some longer than others, where people or things have made me THINK I was happy. But none of it compares to what I am feeling right now. This euphoric feeling I wake up with almost every single day should be bottled up as a drug to be sold. The unbelievable FEAR I have lived in for most of my life that has held me back and suffocated me has been put on a shelf and can’t compete with the joy I feel.
Don’t get me wrong. There are still bad days. I think that’s called being human. There are days where the depression or the anxiety creep in and I wonder if I dreamed it. Or I get angry about some of what is going on. But finally – FINALLY – more of my days are joyful than those days and it’s because it’s a choice. I love(d) my husband and will until the day I die. But I understand now that he couldn’t make me happy in this deep in my core sense. I love my children. But they can’t make me happy in that way either. Happiness doesn’t come from other people. If it does it’s not the real thing. Or it’s temporary because it’s dependent on someone else and their emotional health. In my opinion.
The counseling it has taken for me to understand that only I hold the keys to this has been tough. I feel like a preschooler that was left behind and is just now learning to read some days. My value, my happiness, and my self worth has ALWAYS come with my service to others (and their need of me). I probably will always have a bit of a servant’s heart but understanding that what makes me truly happy comes from within and centers on taking care of me? Mind-blowing.
Part of the reason I cratered so bad last year was being kept from feeding my joy through traveling that at the time I didn’t truly understand was such a deep part of me. I feed on meeting new people and new places. I have always thought of myself as shy. My girlfriends laugh at that. But as 2021 has begun to unfold I’ve realized it’s true. I find joy in meeting new people and new friendships. It makes me feel alive. This self realization was shocking to me. Literally. It brings a smile to my face and makes me itch to go again. I’m counting the days to my next trip out of town.
My point in all this rambling? A) if you are my age and you haven’t found your true joy yet don’t wait another day. B) if you know what makes you happy and you aren’t doing it why the hell not? C) We get ONE life. ONE. And it’s damn precious. Do not let ANYONE suck that life out of you. Own it, steer it your way, and milk this life for all it’s got. God has an unbelievable plan for every one of us and He didn’t put a single one of us here to be miserable. Have faith and jump into your joy with both feet. It’s AWESOME!
“This is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it.” – Psalm 118:24
-Amy
thewanderingturtle.com 