Tag: journey

Turning Ideas into Legacy: My Creative Journey

There’s something really beautiful — and honestly a little chaotic — about being in a season of creating. Not just thinking about ideas, but actually bringing them to life. Lately, it feels like every corner of my house, my brain, and probably my camera roll is filled with quilts, journals, coloring pages, fabric stacks, notes scribbled on scraps of paper, and half-finished ideas waiting their turn.

And somehow… I love it.

Between working on The Quilt Legacy Keeper, building out my journal projects, creating coloring books, and currently having EIGHT quilts out with the quilter, life has felt equal parts inspiring and overwhelming. In the best possible way.

The Quilt Legacy Keeper has become so much more than just “a book idea.” What started as a simple thought about documenting handmade quilts turned into something deeply personal. Because quilts are never really just fabric. They’re stories. They’re late nights at the sewing machine. They’re gifts made during hard seasons and happy seasons. They’re comfort. They’re memory. They’re legacy. Watching this project come together has reminded me why preserving those stories matters so much.

At the same time, I’ve been diving into journals — the kind that encourage reflection, growth, faith, creativity, and honesty. There’s something special about creating pages that might help someone slow down long enough to actually hear themselves think. In a world that feels loud all the time, I keep finding myself drawn to projects that invite people to pause for a minute.

And then there are the coloring books… which may have started as a fun creative side project and quickly turned into me obsessing over how many different ways I can turn my vacation/life photos into therapeutic coloring pages. I had no idea how much I would enjoy the process. There’s something oddly relaxing about turning meaningful moments, travel memories, cozy spaces, quilts, flowers, and everyday beauty into pages someone else can sit down and color with a cup of coffee and a quiet afternoon.

Somewhere in the middle of all that, I also realized I currently have EIGHT quilts out at the quilter.

Eight.

Which feels slightly irresponsible and completely understandable at the same time.

Some are gifts for my kids – I set a lofty goal of making one for each kid and their spouse before the end of the year. Some became “I’ll just make one more” situations with over purchase of fabric that I just had to use up and that got wildly out of hand. But seeing them stacked, labeled, and moving through the quilting process has been such a reminder that creativity leaves evidence. Tiny pieces turn into something real eventually — even when the middle part feels messy.

I think that’s the season I’m in right now. A season of making things. Of trying things. Of learning as I go. Of realizing creativity doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. I’m also in a season of realizing I don’t want to work a desk job forever. I want to build other streams of revenue doing things I love rather than solving other people’s problems all day long.

Some days it feels incredibly productive. Other days it feels like my entire house is covered in fabric threads, notebooks, Amazon KDP tabs, and unfinished ideas. But honestly? I wouldn’t trade it.

Because there’s joy in building something with your hands.
There’s joy in finally pursuing ideas you kept putting off.
And there’s something deeply fulfilling about creating things that might outlive you in some small way — whether it’s a quilt on someone’s couch, a journal on a bedside table, or a coloring book someone picks up after a long day.

Right now, life feels very stitched together. And maybe that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.

Blessings Y’all – Amy

The Joy of Being a Certain Age….

There’s a quiet, unspoken club you join at a certain age. No one sends you an invitation. There’s no welcome packet. Just one day you wake up and realize…oh. This is happening.

And suddenly, your body has opinions. Strong ones.

The joy of being “a certain age” is that you finally know yourself—what you like, what you don’t, what you’re willing to tolerate, and what you absolutely are not. The irony, of course, is that just as your confidence settles in, your internal thermostat packs up and leaves town without notice.

One minute you’re perfectly fine. The next, you’re peeling off layers like you’re in the middle of a Texas heatwave…in February. Then five minutes later, you’re reaching for a blanket like you’ve been dropped into a walk-in freezer. There is no rhyme or reason. You are both the sun and the Arctic, sometimes within the same hour.

Sleep? That used to be something you did without thinking. Now it’s a strategic event. You go to bed tired, maybe even exhausted, and still find yourself staring at the ceiling at 2:17 a.m., mentally reorganizing your pantry, replaying conversations from 2004, and wondering if you should repaint the living room. When sleep finally comes, it’s light, unpredictable, and often interrupted by—what else—a sudden need to throw off the covers because your body has decided it’s time for another internal bonfire.

And then there’s the irritability.

It sneaks in quietly at first. Little things. Harmless things. Someone chewing too loudly. A cabinet left open. A text message that simply says “k.” You find yourself thinking, is it me…or is everyone just a little extra lately? The answer, of course, is complicated. You’re not wrong—but you’re also not entirely right. Your tolerance has shifted, your patience has thinned, and your filter? It’s been significantly edited.

But here’s the part no one talks about enough: underneath all of this, there is a strange, steady kind of joy.

Because with the temperature swings and the sleepless nights comes a clarity that wasn’t always there before. You stop pretending. You stop over-explaining. You stop bending yourself into shapes that don’t fit just to keep the peace. You start choosing comfort over expectation, honesty over politeness, and rest over proving something.

You learn to laugh at the absurdity of it all—standing in front of an open freezer at midnight just to cool down, kicking off blankets and then pulling them right back up, apologizing (sometimes) after snapping over something small. You recognize that your body is changing, yes—but so is your perspective.

You become more protective of your time, your energy, your peace. You learn to appreciate your grandbaby’s giggle as the purest sweetest sound on earth.

And maybe that’s the real joy of being a certain age.

It’s not that everything feels easy—because it doesn’t. It’s that you finally understand what matters enough to keep, and what you’re allowed to let go. What you will and won’t tolerate from the youth around you. Even if you’re doing it while fanning yourself with the nearest magazine and wondering if you’ll ever sleep through the night again.

Blessings y’all – Amy

The Sun, the Moon, and the Trap of Comparison

It has become incredibly easy to look at someone else’s life and quietly decide that you are somehow behind. Behind in success, behind in happiness, behind in parenting, behind in health, behind in just about everything. The internet has given us a front row seat to everyone’s highlight reel. We see the vacations, the perfectly decorated homes, the thriving businesses, the glowing smiles in family photos. What we don’t see are the quiet, messy, complicated parts of life that everyone carries behind the scenes. And yet, if we’re not careful, we start measuring our ordinary Tuesday afternoons against someone else’s carefully curated moments.

I came across a quote recently that stopped me long enough to really think about it: “Don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.” It’s such a simple image, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. The sun and the moon were never meant to compete with each other. The sun doesn’t look at the moon lighting up the night sky and think it’s somehow falling behind. It doesn’t rush the horizon trying to prove it can shine brighter. And the moon doesn’t apologize for not lighting up the middle of the day. They simply show up when it’s their time.

Life has seasons that feel like bright sunshine. Things move forward easily. Plans fall into place. You feel productive, hopeful, and confident that everything is working the way it should. But life also has seasons that feel more like moonlight. Those are the quieter seasons. The slower ones. Sometimes they’re the seasons where you’re healing from something, learning something hard, facing uncertainty, or just trying to make it through the day without letting worry take over. Those seasons can feel uncomfortable, especially when everyone else seems to be standing in the sunlight.

But the truth is, the moon is just as necessary as the sun. The world needs both. We tend to celebrate the bright seasons in people’s lives — the accomplishments, the milestones, the moments when everything seems to be going right. What we rarely see are the quieter seasons where people are rebuilding, recovering, grieving, growing, or simply learning how to keep moving forward. Some of the most important growth in life happens in those darker skies. When things slow down enough for us to listen to ourselves. When life forces us to reevaluate what actually matters. When we learn patience, resilience, and grace in ways that sunny days never quite teach us.

Comparison assumes that everyone is living on the same timeline, but that has never really been true. Some people are standing in their sunrise years. Others are in the bright middle of the day when everything seems clear and certain. And some of us are walking through a quieter stretch where the light looks different. None of those seasons mean someone else is ahead. They simply mean it is their time to shine in a different way.

The sun and the moon never rush each other. They never compete for the same sky. They simply take their turn lighting it up. Maybe life works a little like that too. Maybe your season right now looks different from someone else’s, and maybe that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. It doesn’t mean you’re behind or that you’ve somehow missed the moment when everything was supposed to happen. It might simply mean that right now you’re walking in the softer light of the moon, and there is still something beautiful about that kind of glow.

Eventually the sky shifts again. It always does. The sun rises, the moon returns, and both continue doing exactly what they were meant to do — shining when it’s their time.

Blessings y’all – Amy

Perfectly Imperfect: What Quilts Teach Us About Life

There’s something humbling about finishing a quilt and immediately spotting the one corner that didn’t quite match. No matter how much time and care you put into it, your eye goes straight to the imperfection—the seam that’s just a little off, the point that didn’t land quite right. For a long time, I thought that meant I had missed the mark. That perfection was the goal, and anything less was a flaw. But the more quilts I make—and the more life I live—the more I realize those slightly imperfect corners are the point.

Quilts, much like life, aren’t meant to line up perfectly. We start both with careful plans, good intentions, and a vision of how everything should come together. We measure, we align, we try to keep everything straight. And then something shifts. Fabric stretches, seams don’t cooperate, and suddenly things don’t quite match the way we imagined. Life does the same thing. Plans change, timing gets off, and we find ourselves adjusting as we go. In both cases, we’re left with a choice: tear it all apart in pursuit of perfection, or keep moving forward and trust that it will still come together into something meaningful.

What I’ve come to understand is that “good enough” isn’t settling—it’s living. Quilters often say “finished is better than perfect,” and that truth reaches far beyond the sewing room. Chasing perfection can keep us stuck, constantly reworking, rethinking, and never quite allowing ourselves to be done. But when we embrace the beauty of something finished—even with its flaws—we create space for joy, progress, and purpose. A quilt doesn’t have to be perfect to be warm, comforting, and loved. And we don’t have to be perfect to live a full and meaningful life.

Years from now, no one will pick up one of my quilts and point out the seams that didn’t match. They’ll remember who made it, why it was made, and how it felt to be wrapped up in it. The same is true for us. People won’t remember whether we had everything perfectly aligned; they’ll remember how we showed up, how we loved, and how we kept going even when things didn’t come together exactly as planned. The imperfections become part of the story, not something to hide, but something that proves we were there, creating and living in the middle of it all.

So now, when I notice a corner that’s a little off, I let it be. I see it as a reminder that perfection was never the goal—presence was. That quilt, with all its uneven edges and slightly mismatched seams, is still beautiful. It’s still whole. And in many ways, it’s more meaningful because of those imperfections. Because in quilting, and in life, it’s not about getting every point to match—it’s about stitching something together that matters.

Blessings y’all – Amy

Learning to Live With the Weather

For a long time I thought depression and anxiety were problems to solve. Something broken in me that I needed to fix or snap back together.

Like a puzzle with the right pieces hidden somewhere. If I just worked hard enough, prayed enough, exercised enough, organized enough, went through enough counseling, or “thought positively” enough, eventually I would arrive at the finish line where they no longer existed.

But that’s not really how it works.

Depression and anxiety aren’t always dragons to be slain. They’re more like weather patterns that move through your life. Sometimes the skies are clear and bright and everything feels easy. And sometimes the clouds roll in without warning and the air gets heavy and dark.

For a long time I kept trying to conquer the storm.

I thought if I could just be stronger, or more disciplined, or somehow “fix” myself, the clouds would disappear for good. When they didn’t, I felt like I was failing some invisible test everyone else seemed to be passing.

But somewhere along the way I realized something important.

This isn’t something I conquer. It’s something I learn to live with.

Some days the sky is blue and the sun is warm and I move through life easily. I laugh, I create, I plan, I feel hopeful. Those days remind me that the storm isn’t permanent. But other days the clouds roll in again. Anxiety hums quietly in the background of everything. Depression makes even small things feel heavy. Getting through the day can feel like walking through deep water. Dealing with other humans, especially at work, can feel insurmountable.

And those are the days when I have to remind myself that storms are not personal failures.

They are just weather.

I’ve learned that living with depression and anxiety isn’t about eliminating the storms. It’s about learning how to ride them out without believing they will last forever.

Some days that means doing the smallest things and counting them as victories.

Getting out of bed.

Taking a walk.

Answering one email.

Not yelling at someone who probably deserves it and more importantly not taking it out on someone who definitely doesn’t deserve it.

Small things that other people might not even notice can feel like climbing mountains on the hard days.

And that’s okay.

One of the greatest gifts through these storms has been having someone who loves me through it. Someone who doesn’t expect me to always be sunny and easy and carefree. Someone who understands that sometimes the weather in my mind changes without warning.

Someone who stays anyway. Tim is amazing that way.

There is a quiet kind of grace in being loved through your storms. Not fixed. Not judged. Not told to simply “snap out of it.” Just loved — patiently and steadily — while the clouds pass through.

That kind of love doesn’t erase depression or anxiety.

But it makes the storms easier to weather.

Over time I’ve stopped measuring my life by how often the clouds appear. Instead, I’m learning to measure it by how I move through them. By the resilience that grows quietly inside the hard seasons. By the compassion I’ve learned for myself and for others who are fighting battles no one else can see. I’ve also learned it’s ok to cry and feel the things I feel – no one else has to understand the storm raging inside me.

The truth is, many people are walking through storms we know nothing about. Depression and anxiety are invisible companions for millions of people. Some days they whisper. Some days they roar. But they do not define the whole landscape of a life.

They are just part of the weather.

And like all weather, they change.

The sun returns eventually.

The air clears.

The world feels lighter again.

Living with depression and anxiety has taught me something I might never have learned otherwise: strength isn’t always loud or heroic.

Sometimes strength is simply surviving.

Staying in the middle of the storm.

Staying in the middle of the uncertainty.

Staying long enough to see the sky clear again.

And if you’re someone who walks through these storms too, I hope you know this:

You are not broken.

You are not weak.

You are simply learning how to live with the weather.

And that is a kind of courage the world doesn’t talk about nearly enough. And isn’t nearly patient enough with.

Blessings y’all – Amy

Choosing Intentional in the Middle of Chaos

I know we’re halfway through January and I’m just now trying to form coherent thoughts about everything that’s hit my world over the last few weeks—but bear with me.

My word for 2026 is intentional.

I intend (no pun intended) to keep that word front and center as a reminder that life only happens to me if I let it. If I hand over control of my emotions and thoughts to the things that scare me, then I’m the one who pays the biggest price. And since my emotions and thoughts have been in a pretty steady free fall since before Christmas, I clearly need that reminder.

Someone once said—at least Fred repeated it often—that when life stops changing, you get about the business of dying. I know that. Even with as much growth as I’ve had in therapy, change still rocks my world. Nothing triggers my depression and anxiety faster than everything around me shifting for reasons I didn’t choose and can’t control.

Right now, I’m standing in the middle of massive change and chaos at work and last week Lilah was diagnosed with a soft tissue sarcoma. Either one of those alone would be enough to shake me. Both together have left me struggling to function… or even want to get out of bed.

Professionally, after almost 15 years in this place, I know I’ll be fine. Eventually.

Right now? I’d rather not be around anyone. I’m not fit company, and my patience is nonexistent.

My brain feels like someone dumped a bucket of ping-pong balls inside my head and then said, “Function as you normally would.”

Sometimes in life, you just get tired of operating at 200% when everyone around you struggles to hit 75% or to care as much as you do. But slacking off isn’t how I’m wired—no matter how bad I’m struggling. That’s the thing that keeps me being overlooked. Amy will always rise to the occasion no matter what.

And that’s exhausting.

Re: Lilah.

She is my baby. The other half of my heart.

We’ve lost so much in the last year—dog-wise—to cancer. Our vet firmly believes the surgery scheduled for the 23rd will put this monster to bed, but the fear is still there. We’ve already said goodbye to Paris and Hope because cancer and tumors won.

Does anyone really blame me for being just a little resistant to the idea that everything will be rosy?

I’m not sure any of this even makes sense, but the urge to get it out of my head and into written words was stronger than my need for polish. I’m carrying so many emotions right now.

Anger is at the top of the list. I’m tired of giving everything I have and being overlooked like paint on a wall.

Worry is right there with the anger.

Fear and anxiety have joined the line.

Tim would tell you depression is here too—and I know he’s right.

But circling back to my word.

Intentional.

I’m going to be intentional about how much I give.

Intentional about what I carry.

Intentional about where my energy goes.

Intentional about protecting the parts of me that are worn thin but still standing.

I don’t have answers. I don’t have clarity. I don’t even have peace right now.

But I do have intention—and for now, that’s enough to keep me trying to move forward.

Blessings y’all – Amy

Confessions of A Seasoned Cruiser

After 30+ cruises, I can tell you there’s a big difference between your first time stepping on a ship and your thirtieth. The first time, you’re wide-eyed at everything—the glittering atrium, the sheer size of the ship, the endless food options. By the time you’ve cruised dozens of times, you still appreciate the beauty, but you also know where the best coffee is without consulting the deck plan, which elevator banks actually move faster, and which quiet corner is perfect for reading when the pool deck is packed.

Boarding Day: No Panic Necessary

New cruisers often bolt onto the ship the second boarding opens, racing to squeeze in every minute. Seasoned cruisers know better. I’ve learned the art of the late arrival—letting the initial rush die down before strolling aboard without stress. The ship won’t sail without me, and sometimes the best move is to head straight for that tucked-away lounge instead of fighting the buffet line with half the passenger list.

Packing Like a Pro

On my first cruise, I packed half my closet. By cruise thirty, I’ve mastered the art of less. Packing for the Caribbean means keeping it light—swimsuits, sundresses, sandals, and easy layers that don’t take up much space. For a leaf-peeping cruise, it’s an entirely different approach. The mornings are crisp, the afternoons warm, and the evenings chilly enough for a sweater and scarf. My suitcase shifts from flip-flops to sturdy shoes, from cover-ups to cozy layers. The key is versatility and always having a carry-on ready with what I’ll need that first day, whether it’s a swimsuit for tropical waters or a fleece pullover for watching fall leaves roll by from the deck.

Skipping the Crowds

After so many cruises, I know when to join the excitement and when to duck away. First-timers chase every trivia contest and poolside game. I’ve learned the joy of finding the hidden decks no one bothers with, slipping into the spa pool when most passengers are in port, and savoring specialty dining instead of fighting buffet lines. It’s not about doing it all—it’s about knowing what fills your cup.

Loving the Rituals

Even after thirty sailings, there are traditions I never miss. The sailaway moment—drink in hand, wind whipping my hair—as the ship pulls away from port. The late-night stroll under starlight when the decks are quiet. That first coffee of the day with nothing but ocean stretched ahead. These rituals are the heartbeat of cruising, and they’ve never lost their magic.

Why I Keep Coming Back

Being a seasoned cruiser doesn’t mean the excitement has faded. If anything, it’s richer now. I no longer stress over what to pack or whether I’ll “miss something.” I know what I love, what I can skip, and how to pace myself. Every ship has its own personality, every itinerary its own surprises, and every voyage still feels like an escape.

After 30+ cruises, I’ve learned this: the sea always gives you something new, whether it’s a sunrise you’ve never seen, a flavor you’ve never tasted, or a memory you’ll carry home. That’s why I keep boarding—because cruising, at its best, is never about the count. It’s about the journey.

Blessings y’all – Amy

Welcome To The Jungle…The Concrete Jungle That Is!

Coming from Texas, New York City hit me like a wall of sound. At home, the nights are wide open and quiet—just cicadas buzzing in the heat, the hum of a porch fan, maybe the crackle of mesquite wood in the fire pit. Weekends smell like barbecue drifting from the neighbor’s backyard, and the pace of life is as steady as a two-lane road stretching toward the horizon.

In Manhattan, silence doesn’t exist. Horns blare in constant argument, buses hiss as they brake, and the subway rumbles below like a restless beast. Layered over it all are voices—thousands of them—clashing, laughing, bargaining, shouting in languages I couldn’t always place. The city doesn’t hum—it roars. And stepping into it, I felt like I’d been dropped into the middle of a song that never stops playing.

The Smells of the City

Texas air is familiar: mesquite smoke, cut grass, fresh rain on dust, the sweet smell of bluebonnets in spring. New York, though, is a kaleidoscope of scents that change block by block. On one corner, a halal cart fills the air with cumin and sizzling lamb. Walk a little farther, and roasted nuts or a hot pretzel tempt you. Then, just as suddenly, the sharp tang of garbage bags waiting for pickup crashes in. But even that fades the moment a bagel shop door opens, releasing the warmth of toasted sesame and fresh bread. It’s chaotic, sometimes foul, sometimes heavenly, but never dull.

The Rat Race in Motion

In Texas, people wave at strangers on backroads, traffic slows behind tractors, and “running late” usually means you stopped to chat somewhere. New York doesn’t have time for that. The sidewalks churn like a stampede. Before the crosswalk light even changes, crowds surge into the street, weaving between cabs with coffees in hand. At first, I hung back—hesitant, cautious. But soon I matched their stride, dodging traffic like it was second nature. The city pulls you into its rhythm whether you’re ready or not.

Finding My Place in the Chaos

Back home, solitude is easy. Step outside at night and the sky opens, stars scattered wide above dark fields. In New York, solitude is impossible—but community is everywhere. Packed shoulder to shoulder on a subway car, sharing an eye-roll at a train delay, or laughing when a cab screeches too close—it felt raw and unfiltered, but real. In its own way, the city made me feel less alone than an empty Texas backroad ever could.

Why It Stays With Me

New York is relentless. It doesn’t slow down, doesn’t soften its edges, doesn’t stop for anyone to catch their breath. But for a Texan used to space, stillness, and skies that seem to go on forever, the chaos was intoxicating. It rewired my pulse to its own restless beat.

New York doesn’t politely invite you to love it—it dares you. And as much as I’ll always cherish the wide skies, the slow drawl of a summer evening, and the comforting smell of barbecue smoke drifting through the Texas air, I know I’ll take that dare again.

At The Intersection of Joy & Grief

I made a decision about a month or so ago that I was slowly going to come off the anti-depressants I’ve been on since PawPaw died. That we maxed out after Fred died and had to change completely during COVID because they weren’t working. I’ve reached a chapter in my life where I have such a strong support system and I’ve done so much work in counseling I felt like it was time.

But it’s that time of year again. The month or so I spend holding my breath each day as I open TimeHop and each time I talk to my kids. The memories of him that are in my oldest daughter’s smile, in my son’s laugh, or in my youngest daughter’s tender heart. The anniversary of Fred’s passing is today and, as this new season of my life progresses, the time of year I am so besieged with emotions I can barely sort them.

Guilt is constant because I have found joy again. I wouldn’t ever want the kids to think I’ve forgotten the life we had with their dad. Yet I made a promise to Fred that I wouldn’t be sad too long and that I would marry again. Grief because no matter what I still miss him. Confusion over missing him when I have a man in my life now that loves me to a depth that is indescribable. Sadness because he’s missing out on momentous occasions in my children’s lives. Our first grandchild will make an appearance in September and I know his presence will be missed even more than it already is.

I know that it’s been long enough since he’s been gone that most days I choose joy. I choose to thank God each morning when I do my prayers for the life I have now and the blessings he’s given me. On days like today I feel like I’m standing at an intersection of joy and grief and while I know I need to choose joy more today than any other day the sadness of grief is so deep it’s hard not to give in to it.

Trying to focus on joy I think back to that last “perfect” Lanford Saturday we shared with Fred. It was May 20, 2017 and Fred had been home from the hospital for about a month. It was one of those days where none of us could sit still and were so joyous from having gotten Fred through rehab and home that we just wanted to be out in the world. It was still spring and the weather was gorgeous. We spend the day doing some of our most favorite things. We went to Grapevine and had wine and snacks on Main Street. It was Main Street days in downtown Grapevine and we wandered around different booths for quite a while. The kids each got to have a cast made of their hand holding their dads. Something we didn’t know how very soon would be an irreplaceable treasure from the day. We finished in Grapevine around 3 pm and by 6 pm were back out headed to go see live music at The Truck Yard. With Tigre in tow.

Those are the days I look back on and remember how very much he lived during his time on earth. Those are the days I hope bring a smile to each of my kids when they are sad. And that is the Fred I remember with a heavy heart on the days I am sad. He was a good man. He gave me my family and for that I will forever be grateful.

If you have a favorite Fred memory I’d love to hear it today.

Blessings – Amy

A Little News and a Lot of Anxiety

Twenty plus years ago I was told I had Hashimoto’s. All I remember a the time was being told it was an autoimmune disorder and that I needed to make sure we kept my thyroid levels in balance. Given that I’ve been on thyroid medicine since about four months after Em was born didn’t seem life altering.

What I didn’t know over the ensuing twenty years of fighting to keep my thyroid levels stable through insurance insisting on generic thyroid medicine my body didn’t respond to (and being told I was crazy because I thought that), ups and downs in my levels due to weight gain and loss, hair loss, dry skin, and just general life was that that diagnosis meant my body was attacking itself and slowly killing off my thyroid.

In December of 2022 my company changed insurance companies. What ensued was the gluten free thyroid medicine I had finally gotten stable on for almost five years no longer being an approved medicine. Being shoved onto generic thyroid hormone that sent my body into a cycle of weight gain, hair loss, and general yuck. When Tim and I got married he did the research and we figured out how to go back to the right medicine albeit it of pocket. Though that was fall of 2023 we’ve fought all this time to get my thyroid to stabilize. Finally in February after another off kilter set of labs my GYN said “you have to see an endocrinologist”. Back story there – I hate endocrinologists. Between the fact that they are insanely smart humans usually who don’t know how to relate to you and listen to you when you talk and the one that prescribed Fred medicine and didn’t follow up on him thus leading to his kidney failure I’ve got no patience for them. My GP and GYN have managed my thyroid for years.

I procrastinated until end of February and finally got a referral sent to Tim’s endocrinologist. The ONE I actually like cause he listens to Tim and isn’t a condescending human. We expected it to be months before I could get in and after ten days without a phone call was surprised to finally get one Monday – with an opening the next day. Still calling that a God thing.

Dr. Burney walked in, sat down, and said tell me what’s up with your thyroid. IMMEDIATELY went to food…doctors don’t do that…and explained that Hashi’s patients can’t eat gluten. It inflames the gut and limits the absorption of the medicine. Do you know how many other docs had dismissed my saying I noticed a difference when I didn’t eat gluten even though I was negative for Celiac???

First change he made was saying from here on out it’s a strict gluten free diet. Also an unprocessed chemical free (whole foods) as much as possible. Hashi’s patients bodies attack foreign stuff and get inflamed and that prevents absorption of the medicine. Next up is continuing with getting some more of the weight off. The goal is to get me to ONE pill a day of the thyroid medicine so that if I’m going to pay for it out of pocket it’s not three boxes every six weeks to the tune of $185.

Then he took a look at my thyroid. It’s dead and gone. Shriveled up and fibrotic. The out of control Hashi’s has done its thing and I’ll be on the hormone therapy the rest of my life. As it has sunk it that how I feel will be a direct correlation to how I take care of myself for the rest of my life the more overwhelmed I’ve felt. Those close to me can tell you – the one thing I am worst at is taking care of me. And there is something different between choosing gluten free and being told it’s not an option anymore. As much as we travel it makes it a challenge.

I’m still exhausted, still have very little energy, and that’s as much mental exhaustion as it is physical. I have so much I want to do and right now nothing is cooperating. I am trying to lean into the amazing support that my hubby and kids are being but it’s hard. I am also angry. The ONE thyroid medicine most effective for Hashi’s patients most insurance companies don’t like and thus won’t pay for. To me that’s like saying you won’t pay for insulin for a diabetic. How dare you? Who made them God? It’s maddening.

If anyone with Hashi’s is reading this – your diet is as important as the medicine. You have more control than just the medicine. Take control and keep your thyroid functioning as long as you can.

Blessings y’all – Amy